In recent years, the same phrase has been heard more and more often in conversations with parents: "There's something wrong with him, but I don't understand what."
The child becomes quieter or, conversely, more abrupt. Does not want to go to school. Loses interest in things he used to love. Closes down, avoids conversations or reacts irritated even to simple questions.
Usually, at this point, they look for an external cause: the phone, the company, adolescence. Often this is important. But in many cases, behind such changes lies an experience that the child does not talk about directly - the experience of bullying.
Harassment (what is now called bullying) rarely takes the form of open confrontation. In most cases, it is a series of small, repetitive actions that gradually accumulate.
The child may be interrupted when they are speaking. Laughed at when they answer. Called names that they do not accept. Made comments about their appearance or things they cannot change.
There is also a form that parents often overlook - exclusion. The child is not invited, not responded to in a shared chat, not included in a group. From the outside, this looks like a lack of conflict, but for the child himself it is experienced as rejection.
It is worth mentioning separately what is happening in the digital space. Messages, comments, screenshots, sharing personal information, blackmailing with personal information on social networks - all this creates a situation from which the child cannot get out, even at home. In this case, the phone ceases to be a neutral thing and begins to be associated with tension.
There are also physical manifestations - pushing, blocking the road, damaging things. Such incidents are sometimes hidden or downplayed, but they leave a very clear sense of danger.
Another option, which is rarely talked about, is related to social difference. A child can study well, be capable, but come from a simpler family. This becomes a reason for indirect remarks, comparisons, demonstrative distancing. From the outside, it looks like trifles.
A feeling forms inside that you don't fit in with the environment you're in.
A child's reaction does not always correspond to the situation as adults imagine.
Won not complaining. Doesn't call things by their proper names. Sometimes even denies that something is happening.
Instead, indirect signs appear:
- reluctance to go to school without a clear reason
- fatigue that is not explained by exertion
- changes in sleep or appetite
- stomach ache
- sharp reaction to remarks
- avoiding certain people or places
In the internal experience, this is often a combination of several states: shame, anxiety, tension, confusion. The child tries to understand what is happening and at the same time how to react to it.
In such situations, it is important to remember that for her this is not a “phase that will pass by itself.” This is her daily reality.
The influence of gadgets in this process is not a direct cause, but it significantly enhances everything else.
The child is constantly in the flow of information. He compares himself with others. He watches how people ridicule, criticize, and react online.
This creates a habit of quickly assessing and responding even more quickly. It reduces sensitivity to how words affect another person.
At the same time, the space for reflection decreases. An emotion arises - and is immediately covered by the next one. Because the flow of information is constant, there is no time to digest one piece of information as another covers it. This complicates the ability to understand oneself and one's reactions.
In working with children, one recurring thing is clearly visible: when a child does not have the opportunity to talk about what is happening to him, tension builds up.
And she finds a way out.
For some, it's withdrawal and withdrawal into themselves.
Some people have harshness, conflicts, and aggressive responses.
In adolescence, extreme forms of behavior are possible that scare adults with their sharpness.
This does not happen suddenly. It is the result of a long internal process.
The role of parents in this situation is often reduced to control: checking the phone, talking to the school, limiting contact.
Sometimes it is necessary. But it is not enough.
A child needs the experience of a conversation in which they are not interrupted or immediately judged. They need time to formulate what they do not fully understand.
If the adult's reaction is too quick or categorical, the child concludes that it is better to remain silent.
Simple things are important here: attentiveness to changes, a calm tone, and a willingness to listen to the end.
From a Christian perspective, at the heart of all this is a question of dignity.
A child is formed in the understanding of who they are. When the environment constantly questions this, internal conflict arises.
That's why it's important for her to have a space where she's not judged by external things. Where she's not forced to prove her worth.
This applies to the family, the school environment, and the church community.
In this sense, the church can be a place of balance — if there is lively attention to the person, and not just demands for behavior.
Bullying can't always be completely eliminated right away. But you can change how a child navigates the experience.
When there is an adult nearby who sees and does not turn away, this already affects how her internal state is formed.
What parents can do:
Not control, but presence.
A child doesn't need to check their phone, but
Practically:
1. daily lively conversation (not “how are you doing”, but deeper)
2. time together without gadgets
3. forming digital boundaries (but not a total ban)
4. attentiveness to changes in behavior
Because most often the child does not speak directly.
She is "beeping".
The Role of the Church: Not Morality, but Presence
The church has a unique opportunity to provide something that is not available in school or on the Internet:
1. Space of acceptance
where the child is not a “rating” or a “like”
2. Live communication
not through a screen, but through a personal meeting
3. Experience silence
which is practically lost today
4. The language of meaning
because the main problem of a modern child is not information, but the lack of meaning
Christian anthropology says simply:
Man cannot live without love and truth.
And if it's not there, she's looking for a replacement.
What can the parish do?
Practically, not theoretically:
· youth meetings without formality
· open conversations about bullying and social media
· the priest as a listener, not just a preacher
· a space where a child can be themselves
The Church should not compete with TikTok.
It has to provide something that TikTok cannot provide.
The modern child is not “worse.” He or she simply grows up in an environment that is stronger than him or her. Gadgets in themselves are not evil.
Social media itself is not the enemy.
Bullying itself is not new.
But their combination creates a new reality:
· faster
· tougher
· less humane
And if there is no adult nearby who sees, hears, and understands, this reality begins to shape the child on its own. Sometimes, to the point of tragedy.
Many things in adolescence are not resolved quickly. But they are experienced differently when the child is not left alone with them.
